Identity
by Seasonal Dreamer
Summary: This is just how I think Sirius saying that Harry was less like his father than he thought should've been cleared up :  Read and review please!
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **Hi everyone! Okay, so I've always thought that being told that Harry was less like his father by Sirius would bother him. They never talked about it, but I just thought that it should've been cleared up :P So, this is my version! :D I hope you all like it!

And for those who are reading my story about the twins, and found this, don't worry! The next chapter should be up in a few days :D

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Harry Potter, Sirius Black, or anything but the short little one-shot I've written :)

**Summary: **This is just how I think Sirius saying that Harry was less like his father than he thought should've been cleared up :)

**Rating: **K

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><p>Flecks of white shattered the image of a clear day. They spiraled downwards, sometimes resting on branches of trees before melting or hitting the small pile of snow that had already accumulated. The sky was blue for now, but the sun would soon start to set, bringing the end to yet another day.<p>

Harry sighed as he sat on the ledge and stared out of his bedroom window, drawing shapeless patterns on to its foggy surface. His dark hair seemed even darker compared to its light background, and his eyes seemed even more green now that there was not a speck of that colour anywhere around him. However, he did not delight in the weather, as much as he loved the snow. He knew he couldn't exactly go outside anyway, being in his godfather's house and all. It was Headquartres for the Order of the Phoenix on top of the fact that every dark thing in the world seemed bent on getting at Harry, while the Ministry was bent on recapurting his godfather, Sirius Black, for a crime he never committed.

Yeah, chances were Harry was not going outside today anyway.

Not that he minded at the moment. If he ventured anywhere outside of his room, Merlin knew he'd be surrounded by at least three people no matter where he went. Which was not what he wanted. What he wanted, was to be left alone.

Idly, Harry traced his finger to spell out one name. _James._ His father's name. Normally, Harry treasured it, but right now, he despised it. _'You're less like your father than I thought.' _The words still came back to haunt him. Was that all Sirius saw? A replacement for the friend he lost? Would he even have wanted him in his house with him if it hadn't been for Mr. Weasley's attack? _The attack you committed,_ a harsh voice inside him scolded. Harry winced, trying to ignore the feelings of guilt and push the thought out of his mind.

But it was soon replaced by feelings of anger. _So I guess I'm not good enough,_ he growled to himself. He never was. The world couldn't see past 'The Boy Who Lived,' the Dursley's couldn't see past his magic, Snape couldn't see past his own childhood with Harry's dad, and now neither could Sirius. He never, ever was good enough for anyone.

Harry curled his fists, attempting to get rid of the fury that was boiling up inside of him. It wasn't fair! He never _asked_ for any of it to happen! He didn't control his dad when he interacted with Snape, nor could he control the fact that he was a wizard and survived the killing curse from Voldemort because his mum died for him. And yet, after everything he'd done, he still was not enough for anyone.

He figured he shouldn't be surprised, though. When had he ever experienced love while he was growing up? Admist the beatings, the verbal abuse, and the starvation, when had he ever had any reason to think, _'Hey, you know, I'm perfect just the way I am.'_

Exactly.

There was a sudden knock on his locked door, startling Harry out of his bitter musings. "Harry?"

Anger and hurt swelled up inside him yet again. He clenched his fists so hard he could feel them digging painfully into his skin. Jaw locked, Harry firmly remained silent, staring mout his window defiantly. This visitor was the last person he wanted to see. Or hear.

"Harry?" The was a slight jiggle of the handle to the bedroom door. "Harry, why is the door locked? Are you okay?"

_Yes, your precious James replacement is absolutely fine,_ Harry snarled to himself. He actually blinked in surprise, however, afterwards. He couldn't remember being so angry, and he had had plenty of better reasons to be furious in his time. What was wrong with him?

There was a low murmur that was barely heard behind the walls as the door swung open. Sirius rushed in, looking around to find Harry glaring out the window. Confused and a little hesitant, he took a few steps forward. "Harry?"

Harry didn't answer. He wanted with all his might to be left _alone._

Sirius frowned, worry and hurt outlining his expression. Why was Harry ignoring him? In fact, why had he been ignoring him ever since he arrived? "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he finally spat, tensing and relaxing his hands repeatedly.

"Yes, and the award for best actor goes to Harry James Potter," Sirius said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "Honestly, you're a terrible liar. Now what's wrong?"

"Go away," Harry ordered loudly, turning to look Sirius in the eye, and the older man was stunned to see the power behind his gaze.

"No," Sirius replied firmly, crossing his arms and having a seat on Harry's bed. Harry groaned, his eyes darting towards his wand on the desk beside the bed. "You can curse me all you want," Sirius stated stubbornly, noticing where Harry's eyes had wandered. "But that's not going to stop me from coming back again and again afterwards."

Harry sighed, suddenly dejected. He slumped against the window, and Sirius' heart broke at how sad he looked. "Harry," he said quietly, moving forward to crouch in front of him. "What's wrong."

_"'You're less like your father than I thought,'"_ Harry muttered. "Is that all you see me as?"

If Sirius had been expecting anything, it definitely wasn't that. Sirius gaped, opening and closing his mouth like a fish. "Harry," he finally croaked, "I do not see you as James. I never did."

Harry scoffed, turning away from him. "No, look at me!" Sirius grabbed Harry's faces in his hand and turned it to face him. "I _never_ saw you as James, no matter how much you look like him. You want to know why?" Sirius stared into Harry's green, haunted eyes. It killed Sirius terribly to see how much pain those eyes held, knowing how much that young boy had been through. He felt like a failure. "I was there when you were born," he whispered, voice full of suppressed emotion. "I was there when James nearly fainted when he saw Lily holding you in her arms. I was there when they named me godfather, when I babysat you when they went out, when you spoke your first word...you are _not_ James."

"Then why were you so disappointed in me?" Harry managed to get out despite his shame.

Sirius closed his eyes. A tortured expression appeared on his face. "I hate myself for saying that," he said softly, eyes still shut. "I am never, ever disappointed in you. I never was, and I never will be. You've made me prouder than I could ever think. It just kills me to see how mature you are. How mature you've had to be. When James and I were in school, we never would have thought twice about letting an escaped criminal come visit us if we wanted to see him. We were...naïve in a sense." He opened his eyes to look pleadingly at Harry.

Harry didn't know what to say. Was he telling the truth? He hadn't had a lot of experience with trustworthy people. Really, he was going out on limb to say he believed him.

"Harry," Sirius said softly. "I love you. Like my own child. I would _never_ lie to you." When he saw his godson was still not looking at him fully, he grabbed his face in both his hands again. "I _love_ you. I know you haven't heard it a lot because of those..._muggles -" _Harry got the feeling that Sirius would've much rather used a stronger word - "but that does not mean no one does. Harry, you could be _Snape's_ son for all I care, and if you were the same person you are right now, I'd love you until the day I died."

This hit Harry more powerfully than anything else he could've said. They both hated Snape with a passion, and being told that he could be directly related to him and Sirius wouldn't hate him... "I don't know, Sirius," he finally murmured, wanting so badly to believe him. But how could he? All he or Remus ever compared him to was his father or mother. In fact, that's basically all their discussions were about, when it wasn't involving Voldemort. "I find that hard to believe. I mean, your best friend was my dad. You can't honestly tell me that when you look at me all you see isn't him."

Sirius was dumbstruck. _What the hell is this boy thinking? _"Harry, that has _nothing_ to do with it! Absolutely nothing!" But Harry just gave him such a _I'm-not-that-thick_ look that Sirius actually growled in frustration. "What do you want me to do?" he begged. "How can I prove to you that I'm telling the truth?"

Harry sighed, turning to stare out the window. It pained him to say, "I don't know if you can."

The godfather's heart broke yet again at the green eyed boy's tone, seeing the hurt displayed all over his face. He rubbed his face with his hands, cursing himself all the way back to Azkaban for what he said. Sirius felt his eyes sting, but he wasn't sure why. He hadn't had that feeling since -

"Harry," Sirius suddenly said, his voice catching a bit as an idea struck him. "Do you know what happened the night your parents died? Not in terms of Voldemort," he added quickly, seeing Harry's look. "Do you know how I found out?"

The weary boy thought for a few seconds before he muttered, "You came to the house."

Sirius nodded. "And do you know what the first thing was that ran through my head when I saw the house in complete destruction?" Harry shook his head again, giving his godfather his undivided attention. "The first thing I thought was, _'Not Harry,'"_ Sirius said softly, closing his eyes. "James is probably a little pissed at me for that, but it's the truth. At first, all my horror was directed to the fact that y-you...just a baby..." Sirius had to stop for a second to recollect himself.

Harry was in utter shock as he watched with wide eyes as Sirius struggled for composure. His mind was blank and he had no idea how to process this. It couldn't be true...he was never anyone's first thought unless it had to do with Voldemort and the fact that everyone thought he was the one to defeat him. Or after someone had recently thought of James or Lily. He was never...he was never _first._

"You were James' son, but...in my heart you were mine," Sirius continued in barely a whisper. "I went over ever day, every _single_ day to see you. If I was away for too long, I threw a fit." He laughed a little bit at himself. "Remus and James said I had 'Speration Anxiety' and took the micky out of me constantly for it, but I didn't care as long as I got to see you. And when I saw...when I saw the house...I thought I'd lost everything. My best friend...Lily, who was a sister to me...and...and you. I loved you like my own son. More than I think James liked," he chuckled sadly.

"You have no idea how that thought tortured me," Sirius continued, and Harry got the strange feeling that he wasn't talking about James. "I thought I had quite literally died, and then..." Sirius clenched his fists so tightly Harry was a bit alarmed to wonder if he would keep it like that until he caused permanent scarring. But Harry understood; he knew what happened next.

"And then you went after Pettigrew," Harry finished for him in a quiet tone. It wasn't angry, hurt, or disappointed. It was stated in such a matter-of-fact way that it surprised Sirius a little; he was sure Harry hated him for that.

"Harry, believe me," Sirius pleaded, and the green eyed boy had a startling flashback to the day he met Sirius for the first time in the Shrieking Shack when he was trying to convince him of his innocence.

And suddenly, Harry didn't know when it had happened, but he found that he did. He nodded, smiling a little so as to reassure Sirius that he was being honest.

Relief clouded Sirius' eyes, and he tentatively went to reach out for a hug, but found himself stop shyly -

- Until Harry flung his arms around his godfather and hugged him tightly.

Surprised, but pleasantly so, Sirius placed a hand on the back of Harry's dark haired head and ran his fingers through it, holding Harry tightly as well. "Love you, Sirius," Harry murmured, his voice muffled a bit by embarrassment and clothing.

Sirius smiled for the first time in a long while. "I love you, too, Harry. Always have, always will."

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><p>Read and review please :)<p> 


	2. IMPORTANT NOTICE

DON'T PANIC.

If you don't remember favouriting and/or following me, you're not going crazy. You've just done so while I was under a different name.

I'm still the same author; my name has just been changed. Why, you ask? Well, it's a bit of a funny story.

You see, some 'followers' I guess you can call them have added me on Facebook, and I'm not discrediting that; I love talking to you guys. But being the fool that I was and using my real name as my (former) username, some have abused the faith I put in you guys. For the past little while, I've been getting an alarming amount of messages on my Facebook from people who really didn't become my friend to talk about writing 'so to speak.' All the people who have done this have been blocked and unfriended and all that (if you haven't been blocked, then don't worry about this; we're still friends!), but I'm forced to change my name.

Unfortunately, in nearly all of my stories (if not all) I have listed my (former) username, so starting TOMORROW MAY 1ST I am going to be reuploading all of my stories with the changed name listed. Don't worry; nothing else will be changed, and any stories that you favourited/followed should still be accessible to you. But sadly, I'm afraid that all of your lovely reviews might be erased Please don't feel the need to re-review them, but if you are so inclined, they will always be appreciated.

And I must ask to any of you that are my friends on Facebook that I haven't blocked, PLEASE do not talk about any of my stories on my wall. Inbox me instead. I must be strict about this; starting tomorrow, if I find any comments regarding my works, they will be deleted. If you persist, I'm afraid you will also be unfriended and/or blocked.

I'm sorry for the inconvenience to the people who have been nothing but kind to me.

I'll be posting this notice in all of my stories as well as on my profile.


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